Likes to Be Liked: Why We Crave Approval and How to Stay True to Ourselves

Let’s be honest—we all like to be liked. Whether it’s a compliment from a friend, applause at work, or a heart on a social media post, being liked feels good. It gives us a sense of belonging, validation, and connection.

But what happens when that desire becomes a quiet force shaping our choices, our identity, and even our happiness?

🌱 The Roots of Wanting to Be Liked

From the moment we’re born, we’re wired to seek connection. As children, we learn that being agreeable, helpful, or “good” earns us praise and affection. Over time, this can evolve into a deep-seated belief: If people like me, I’m worthy.

This isn’t inherently bad. Wanting to be liked can motivate kindness, cooperation, and empathy. But when it becomes a core driver of our behavior, it can lead to:

• People-pleasing: Constantly saying yes to avoid conflict or rejection.

• Self-abandonment: Suppressing your needs, opinions, or identity to fit in.

• Emotional exhaustion: Feeling drained from trying to be everything to everyone.

🧠 The Psychology of Approval-Seeking

Psychologists often link the need to be liked with external validation—the tendency to look outside ourselves for a sense of worth. This can be especially strong in people with low self-esteem or those who grew up in environments where love felt conditional.

When we rely too heavily on others’ approval, we may:

• Avoid taking risks or speaking our truth.

• Feel anxious when we sense disapproval.

• Struggle with boundaries, fearing that saying “no” will make us unlikable.

🔍 Signs You Might Be Over-Investing in Being Liked

Here are a few questions to reflect on:

• Do you often agree with others just to avoid conflict?

• Do you feel guilty when you prioritize your own needs?

• Do you worry excessively about what others think of you?

• Do you change your personality depending on who you’re with?

If you answered “yes” to several of these, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You’re human. But awareness is the first step toward change.

🌟 From Approval to Authenticity

The goal isn’t to stop caring what people think altogether. That’s unrealistic—and frankly, a little antisocial. The goal is to care less about being liked and more about being real.

Here’s how to start:

1. Build Self-Validation

Start giving yourself the approval you seek from others. Celebrate your wins, affirm your worth, and remind yourself that you’re enough—even when no one’s clapping.

2. Practice Saying No

Saying no is a powerful act of self-respect. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier with practice. And the people who truly care about you will respect your boundaries.

3. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Not everyone will like you—and that’s okay. Letting go of the need to be universally liked frees you to be more honest, creative, and courageous.

4. Surround Yourself with Safe People

Spend time with those who love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Real connection doesn’t require performance—it invites presence.

5. Reflect on Your Values

When you know what matters most to you, it’s easier to make decisions that align with your truth—even if they’re unpopular.

Wanting to be liked is natural. But being liked should never come at the cost of being yourself. The more you embrace your quirks, your voice, your truth—the more you’ll attract the kind of people who like you for you.

So the next time you catch yourself bending to fit someone else’s mold, pause and ask: What would it look like to choose authenticity over approval right now?

Because in the end, the most powerful kind of “like” is the one you give yourself.